Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
