Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This toilet bowl is my home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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