Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
