and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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