I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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