just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
