we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
