I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
