Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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