I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
