god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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