If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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