Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize