I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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