I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Text me some of your sweat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
