I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
