oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
