I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
