420 ftw
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize