You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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