girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
