So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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