three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
