omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
