I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
