I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
