Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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