oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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