hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
