is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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