ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
