Are we in a gay sports bar?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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