This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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