areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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