Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
