Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
