I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
