hell yes lets make some ravioli
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
