there was a trapeze. enough said
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
