woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
