I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
