haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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