I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
