I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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