I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
