Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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