Plan B is the new Plan A
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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