He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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