when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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