just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In other news, I just burned my penis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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