Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
where are my eyebrows?
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