I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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