In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
