I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
