did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
