Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
