i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
