it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
