Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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