then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
