She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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