I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
