yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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