Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
