I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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