I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
