Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
