We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
