Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize