apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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