I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My balls are so social today.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
