...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
