I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Plan B is the new Plan A
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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