I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
