So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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