I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
